Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
