Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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