Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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