You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize