dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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