'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
