what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
