Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
