im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
