I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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