Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
