I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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