i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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