Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
