my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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