I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
