how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
