well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
