I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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