and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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