The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
