also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
