It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
