you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
