literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
