what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
