i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
