Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is pants optional.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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