imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
