atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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