He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is wine microwaveable?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
