marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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