she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
