I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
