New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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