I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
