ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
