You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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