we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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