The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
