I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
