Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
