NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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