All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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