i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
