i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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