So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
