I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
