Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize