I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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