I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
