Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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