remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i love accidental penises.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
