Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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