I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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