If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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