I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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