somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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