96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
