Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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