i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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