Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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