and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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