i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize