I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sext me about skeletons
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
